2026 UPDATE
Year 3 and less than 2 weeks away. Time, still flies like an arrow…
But this year is different, as I imagine they will all continue to be.
This year I will be cheering from the sidelines. Certainly not where I want to be – but my right knee has other plans, at least for this year. I fully plan to be back running in 2027.
This year we also grew our team (and generations of the members) to include 2 of another cousin's daughters, Molly and Kate.
Running or not, I love this weekend. I love the intentional celebration of him. I love raising money for this torturous disease. I love being in Brooklyn. I love that we have a specific lunch spot, with a specific bartender who somehow remembers us. Why I don't know – us Wagner's have always been a bit on the quieter side…
But for me – this year is needed in a way I haven't yet experienced. I’ve felt more distant from my dad in the past several months; perhaps it's what happens with time, perhaps it's because this year we also lost my mom; perhaps it's a million other “life” reasons. But one thing remains, when I feel distant, I find the moon and it always brings me back.
Soon after he passed, a friend of mine asked me how I wanted to honor him. It was such a lovely question and one that has truly stayed with me. At the time, I was just starting my business – and he was such a big part of the whole inception of it. Of the decision to take the risk. He was responsible for a trip to Prague where the inspiration for the name Stella Nera Coaching came from. He was, without doubt, my biggest believer, and there are parts of my website that – even though they may not be as relevant anymore – will never be taken off. Because he was the one that would read it with me, even when he was losing his voice and his words were strained, the teacher in him, the father in him, the love and pride he had in all of us – couldn't have been clearer. So when my friend asked me that question, my first response was making sure that this business of mine was insanely successful. That I was successful.
2.5 years later, I’m still here. I'm learning. I'm succeeding. I'm failing, and then learning again. On the harder days, I come back to that question and I smile. He knew it would work. He knew before I did.
The second answer I had to that question was to live my life. To do and be and have relationships that mattered. To have joy, and intellect, and community. One of the two core beliefs of my coaching model is that we are always in relationship → and through that lens, everything shifts. My father was the glue of so many relationships. There's not a soul around who knew my father that wouldn't say the same thing → he knew what it meant to be in relationship. To listen to people, to be curious, to understand. He made everyone feel like they were the most important person. {Unless you were a telemarketer calling when he was reading a story to his grandkids…and even then, he found his humor}.
So in about 10 days I'll be flying to NY, and running or not, it is a weekend of intentional celebration for my man in the moon.
Over the last two years, we raised almost $8500.00 for ALS. These diseases are ruthless on everyone. Please continue to give what you can here or directly to ALS.org in honor of Joseph B. Wagner, Jr. Everything will 100% go to ALS.
A final note, again: This weekend would never be anywhere near as special if it wasn't for Mike Blackford, one of my many cousins who is in it for the long haul. Thank you for running step by step, with me, and this year without me. Wouldn't want it any other way.
2025 UPDATE:
Here we are again. 2 weeks and counting…
As they (he) say… Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana…
I didn't think it was possible to have a harder time writing this year's “post”, but I was, yet again when it comes to this topic, wrong. Perhaps that's why it's coming so late; perhaps that's why my training started equally as late. Perhaps…
We are two weeks out. Time did indeed fly, and continues to do so. Time is a funny thing. How we use time to navigate loss, to celebrate life, to honor those we love. This morning I listened to many of the speeches from Dad’s celebration of life. I am, truly, forever grateful that we have that recording, because, damn, they are just – good. In every way. As I wrapped up my “speech” that day, time was the topic (as well as dads get-away hat that lovingly remains on his urn in Joanie’s house), but from a more curious standpoint. I had no idea, and still not really sure I do, how time would help this new normal of life without my Dad. I also attempted to summarize the amazing lessons, i.e. gifts, he gave me, and so many of his family, friends, students, anyone really he came in contact with. He taught us (taught me) to seek understanding – no matter what, to learn, to listen, and to think. He taught me to live life, and THAT – is how time has helped, and will continue to help me navigate this new normal. Because he taught me to live, and to believe, and to love. And so without fail, every damn year, I will run the Brooklyn Half Marathon celebrating him and the many lessons he gave us, and of course, the time we had together. And not just before his passing, but all the times he has shown up for me since.
Last year we raised $5945.00 to support ALS research. I have reopened the fundraising page, late I know, but if you would like to support Mike and I in this race while we run to honor an amazing man, please donate here or give directly to ALS.org in honor of Joseph B. Wagner, Jr.
Everything will 100% go to ALS.
Last note: I am so grateful to Mike Blackford, my cousin and one of Dad’s godsons, for running step by step with me. Wouldn't want it any other way.
ORIGINAL POST: 2024
I knew the chances of him being here on race day were slim. I just didn't think his time would end on December 1st, 2023. My father, who some referred to lovingly as the goat, others as the handyman of all handymen, and some just as the best of the best, was diagnosed with ALS late in life, and he spent the bulk of 2023 relinquishing one thing after another. But he NEVER lost his spirit, and he never lost his humor, and he certainly never lost his love and appreciation for his family and friends. He brought people together throughout his whole life - and somehow continues to do so.
I knew this half marathon would have great meaning for me when I signed up. He was born in Brooklyn, had an immense love for the Brooklyn Dodgers, and not too long ago stood on the streets of Brooklyn cheering me on as I ran my first NYC marathon in 2019. He’s always been there. And always will be.
But this disease is truly one of the cruelest I've known. Watching him go through the stages of ALS was perhaps one of the hardest things I've ever done. And when I would tell him how much I was in awe of the way he handled it, he always said – "but I've lived such a good life”. He continued to reflect on the 1000s of other people with ALS, the ones who were much younger than he, the ones who did not get to live their full lives, or watch their kids grow up. Those were the people he felt the most for -- not himself.
Upon hearing about this race, my cousin Mike, and one of my dad’s Godsons, immediately signed up to run with me. To run for him. And I mean immediately. It wasn't even a question. Mike is a teacher today, largely due to my father. My dad often liked to talk about his own career of teaching, and told Mike at a young age, "teaching is a gift Michael...". Turns out my Dad gave us all quite a few gifts.
So this race has become even more special for me – because we will run in his honor. And we will raise as much as we can for ALS research so that hopefully one day, fewer people have to go through what I witnessed, what my dad experienced. Hopefully one day ALS won't be so cruel. Hopefully one day ALS has a cure.
Please join us in making a difference by donating whatever you can. The money we raise will directly benefit The ALS Association. The ALS Association is a national not-for-profit health organization dedicated solely to the fight against ALS. They cover all the bases: patient and community services, research, public education, and patient advocacy. The ALS Association is committed to a comprehensive approach to meet the needs of the ALS community. This includes patients, caregivers, family members, friends, and healthcare workers.
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